But God.

An addiction is like a trap

It sucks you into its vortex

and all reasoning is gone

All logic is clouded

by your secret desire to just do it

Just do it

Just do it

Just do it

 

It doesn’t matter if you drown,

Think of that high, that numbness

That utter and absolute pleasure

All your inner demons

Just keep pulling you in

Your mind screams no!

Your heart begs please don’t!

But you suddenly become a robot

You watch your hands do the dirty deed

Your body on autopilot mode

while your mind tries to reason

with you, who has suddenly gone deaf

As your hands perform the long practised actions

well-rehearsed after so much experience

Your mind begins to override

the autopilot setting

You think, what the hell did I just do?!?

So much time sober

Now back to

Square One

 

 

Now you just feel numb

 

The aftermath is here

and your actions have left a wake of destruction

Rivalled only by the worst of the worst natural disasters

As tears begin to form and fall

You KNOW

That you have totally and completed messed up

There is NO redemption

The devil is jumping for joy

Even as you write this

The future seems bleak, dark, depressing

Days and nights of endless struggle

Only to give in at the end

 

Utterly and totally devastated,

You hear a quiet inner voice say,

But God.

But God what?

Surely I have gone too far, too many times

You still hear it…                                               But God.

You think of Jesus,

God yet man

So perfect, so impossible to imitate and emulate

But God.

A spark of hope flickers, then goes out

You seriously ponder, can I beat this?

The inner voice,

louder now,

says,

BUT GOD!

 

You say, okay.

You get up

You recover

You think I can’t do this                                                                                                 BUT GOD!!!

Okay I can do this

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

With GOD, I can.

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