Like her.

I hate you.

I hate you,

Because you’re everything

Everything I want to be

Everything that I don’t see in me

Everything that I can’t

But

Yet,

As your best friend,

I love you with a fire that will never die down

These embers of love are eternal

My joy when you succeed

Knows no bounds…

Neither does my jealousy

Of all that I look on and wish I could be

Because the same features I love

I too hate

You, are everything I am not

Confident, beautiful, intelligent, kind, optimistic

Everything that I wish to be

Everything I’m blinded to, in me.

And although the concept

Of not having to be pretty like her

Cause I can be pretty like me

Has logic and is sense-driven

My bruised and battered self-worth

Tells me that isn’t true

I indeed have to be pretty like her

Love myself, like her

Good grades, like her

A brother, like her

A squad, like her

School spirit, like her

Talent, like her

But I can’t

Because I am not her.

And neither is she me

So,

I watch my best friend

Do and achieve things

I tell her, “congrats”

But surely she must see

The raw envy gutting away at me

The big green bonfire

And I am ashamed

Because I’m not big enough

To be genuinely happy for her

And if I’m honest,

I’m pissed at me personally

Because I can’t be the best friend she deserves

And that I don’t hate her,

Not even a little bit,

Not even at all

Because she is everything

Everything I want to be.

 

So instead I hate me.

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